Villains Get Me Off
by X-Men.Alum
Summary: "You could be like the Harley Quinn to my Joker." "Sure, but I'm not going to get on my hands and knees to worship you." "Oh, I'll have you on your hands and knees, but for an entirely different reason." Chris D'Amico/ RedMistxOC
1. D: You Wanna Fuck Chris D'Amico!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kick-Ass. I only own my character Denise Kelly and her family.**

**A/N: So, I'm hooked on Kick-Ass. I didn't see it in theatres (Yes, I spell it theatre not theater. I blame my English II teacher.), unfortunately, but my boyfriend showed it to me last week and Red Mist caught my attention immediately. How could he not have? Anyway, I'm not stopping my G.I. Joe fic, but it my be coming out a little slower than normal, partially because I'm writing this too now, and partially because I'm flying home tomorrow and then I'm starting my Sophomore year of college on Monday. Yay. **

**I'm writing this one in first person point of view, swapping between Denise and Chris (maybe other characters too. Maybe.) as the chapters progress. I feel more comfortable writing in third, but first seems to work out so much better for a story like this. I like being able to throw in the viewers personalities, makes everything seem a bit more personal. I hope that makes sense.  
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**This, unlike my other fic, is unbeta'd. Tell me what ya'll honestly think. Also, tell me if you think the title falls into the K rating. I don't want the story to get deleted if it doesn't.  
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"Oh my god. Kick-Ass is so good looking," gushed my friend, Katie Deauxma. She'd been saying this for a week now. "I mean, he's a real life superhero, what could be sexier." She continued on about the green clad hero who'd been making headlines around the world along with Red Mist.

She was sitting across from me at a table in the coffee shop portion of our local comic shop, Atomic Comics. Katie had originally started coming here with me when I wanted to read something, and had enjoyed a coffee while waiting, but as time passed, she slowly began reading some manga. Her enjoyment of American comics, however, began when she met her current boyfriend.

Said boyfriend nodded in response to Katie, arm around her shoulder. I'd always known David Lizewiski wasn't gay, I mean what gay guy spoke directly to a girls tits. None. At least he wasn't playing these silly games with Katie anymore and was being honest.

His friends, Todd and Marty, were also present at the table along with mine and Katie's other friend, Erika Cho. Marty was currently drooling all over Erika, who was gazing in the opposite direction towards the TV. She was crushing on him but wouldn't say anything.

I was ignoring all of them pretty well, flipping through the Parallax one shot from Green Lantern: Tales of the Sinestro Corp. It was old, so old in fact I had an extremely worn hard cover collection of all the Tales one shots on my shelf back home, but that didn't stop me from enjoying the comic. No, I loved Kyle Rayner nearly as much as I loved Hal Jordan. Green Lantern is my favorite. The boys are absolutely fuckable.

Real Heroes. Not this Kick-Ass/Red Mist shit.

I flipped the page, grinning a bit as Parallax-Kyle came in to the picture. Ok, so maybe I found the villains hotter. Much hotter. Weird, huh? I mean, if you placed Sinestro next to Hal Jordan and told me I got to choose who I'd fuck, I'd choose Sinestro every time. Evil gets my panties wet. I mean, who doesn't want to fuck the one with the most power. And what I wouldn't give to have Sinesto's big, alien dick in my puss-

"Denise?" I blinked, the page coming back into focus as I was shaken from my dirty thoughts by Erika's voice. It was rare for her to speak in front of the boys. Uppity bitch.

I looked up. The table had emptied for the most part, both Katie and Dave gone. Ew. I really didn't want to know where they'd went.

"Yeah Erika?" My voice still held a bit of a Boston accent, the place I'd been raised from age 1 till I was 13 when my family to New York. I'd been born in London, England.

"Isn't that the guy you've been eying?" Her question, while innocent enough, was accompanied by a smirk alerting me to her ulterior motives. She even had the audacity to chuckle softly when my head turned towards the comic shop side, eager to catch site of the cute boy currently occupying the coveted position of my crush.

Coveted being used as lightly as possible. Guys noticed my beautiful, girly friends. They tended to over look my 4'11", nerdy frame. I mean, over sized horn-rimmed glasses belonged back in the 80's or on the faces of men like Noah Bennet in Heroes, not on blonds with eyesight so bad their lenses magnify their eyes.

That, and I have the body of a prepubescent boy who wears t-shirts two sizes too big. I barely have a waist and hips, let alone breast, where as Katie and Erika are shapely and sensual.

Anyway, back to the unaware object of my affection. He wasn't that tall, but still taller than me. At least, I suspect he is, I've never actually been close to him. Actually, I don't think anyone has, especially with the tall hunk of muscle that was his bodyguard. The only thing I have to even compare our heights is the container of comics he's currently standing at. It reaches the top of his pelvic bone, where as on me it goes to the area right below my ribs.

Did I mention I was vertically challenged?

His attention was currently glued to the comics, brown hair not moving an inch out of place. He dressed much nicer than anyone else in the comic store, minus his bodyguard, wearing a black blazer over a red plaid button up shirt. His expression was blank as he pulled out a comic, Spider-Man Noir #1.

Good choice.

"You wanna fuck Chris D'Amico?" Chris' head snapped up as he locked his brown eyes with my bug like blue. I jumped, turning away quickly, cheeks enflamed. I glared at Todd the best I could in my embarrassed state.

"Fuck you Todd. I don't think the owner in the backroom heard you. Wanna say that again?" He almost had the decency to look ashamed.

Asshole.

I buried my face in my comic, trying to ignore the feeling of Chris' eyes on the side of my head. His eyes were really pretty.

Chris D'Amico. Oh what can I say about my interest in Christopher D'Amico. It's not a completely innocent fascination. I'd changed my panties more times after dreams about him than I had after dreams about anyone else. I love cute and nerdy almost as much as I liked evil.

I stayed in the world of Kyle Rayner's psyche, not reading any, until the door to the comic book store opened and shut, Chris and his bodyguard departing. I then pulled out, continuing to give Todd a dirty look.

"Really? Did you have to yell?"

Todd shrugged. "I'm just a little shocked. I mean, his dad's shadiness and that bodyguard of his aside, he's really... nerdy."

"Todd, I believe we fall under the category of nerdy," Marty informed him.

Todd hit him roughly in the shoulder. "Shut the fuck up dude. We're a different class of nerd."

"Yeah, sure," mumbled Marty, turning his attention back to Erika, who looked like she was about to leave.

"I mean, he's just, so uncomfortable looking. He's got like no chin."

"He has a chin, you dick." I rolled my eyes, shutting the comic before rising. I wasn't about to sit here and listen to them mock Chris. He looked like such a sweetheart. "I'm out. I've got work in thirty minutes and I need to be there early or I'll get stuck with closing." I wandered back to the comic side, replaced the comic to its proper container, then left Atomic Comics.

Erika stepped out moments later, I could hear her heels clacking as she walked to the bus stop in the opposite direction.

* * *

Unfortunately, I got stuck closing the store by myself at 11 that night, though I'm not surprised. My co-worker and boss practically lived in the building.

Ma couldn't pick me up, she had the night shift at the convenience store, but that was fine with me, there was a subway entrance three blocks away and I could get off a block from my apartment building in Queens.

I locked the door to the coffee shop and pulled my coat closer to my frame. New York City dropped temperature at night and I was glad I'd brought my symbiote Spider-Man hoodie with me.

I walked deafly down the road, careful to not get hit by a taxi when crossing the street. The area I was in was dark and rather unpopulated, minus the occasional sleeping bum I passed. I had head phones in my ears, an old Frank Sinatra song tuning out the noises of the city.

We really didn't have a lot of money, even with Ma working three jobs. She paid for herself, me, Dominic, my little half-brother, and Josh, Dom's father. Josh was a musician, a struggling one at that, and hadn't booked a gig in like, ever. He sucks, I'll just say that right now, but Ma doesn't want him to give up his dream. I know it sounds like I don't like him, but I do. He's been my father since I was 3 and he's pretty cool minus the fact he's a lazy bitch.

Because of our financial shortcomings, I worked as much and as often as I could. I used my money to help with a lot of thing, groceries, my college funds, rent on our small apartment, clothes for Dom and I, my gymnastics classes, and, occasionally, something I really wanted. Like my cheap ass MP3 player (not even an iPod, I'd like to point out), and my most prized possession, a metal Green Lantern ring I had on the middle finger of my right hand. It was cheap, the silver paint chipping from constant wear but I didn't care. I'd paid for it myself and I loved it.

I was too focused on the path in front of me and my music to notice the two men in the alley ahead.

They, however, had noticed me.

When I walked past their alley, the tall, scraggly haired man closest to me grabbed me around my waist with one arm, the other covering my mouth so I couldn't scream.

"Easy Blondie, wouldn't want your fuckin' head blown off, would you?" My already large eyes widened behind my glasses as I gazed at the other man who stood before me. He wasn't that big in the muscular sense rather thin and gangly with a large, hooked nose and beady green gray eyes. The most intimidating thing about him, though, was the gun he had out in his right hand.

I shook my head, curses fighting for their place in my mouth. I bit my tongue, successfully stopping myself from calling them anything. Not that I could, the piss scented hand over my mouth covered anything I would have said.

"Now, Blondie," said the man behind me, voice raspy as though he'd been smoking since birth. From the state of his breath, that was probably the correct assumption. "Why don't you give Bill all your stuff. Cell phone, purse, jacket, that ring."

I began crying. I'd lived in cities all my life and I had been one of the lucky few to never be robbed. I guess the keyword is had, because I was most defiantly being mugged.

As much as I disliked Kick-Ass and Red Mist, I prayed one of them would find me and help.

As best I could with the guy behind me still holding tight to my face, I slipped off my ring, unzipped my hoodie, and handed them over with my MP3 player.

"What, no phone?" asked Bill, his grimy hands grabbing my stuff as fast as he could, holding it all to his chest. He played with my ring, biting it with is his tobacco stained teeth before slipping it onto his finger giddily.

In one sick moment of numbness, I compared him to Gollum from Lord of the Rings, fucking holding his precious. I wanted to punch him in the face.

That was my fucking precious.

Instead, I shook my head. No, I didn't have a cell phone. Well, technically my mother and I shared a phone, but she had it that night in case she got a call from Josh or Dom. She was closer than I was.

"I highly doubt that, I mean, it's 2009, who the fuck doesn't have a cell phone?" The guy behind me laughed.

Me, you cunt. Shit.

"Bill," snapped the guy, pulling me closer. I cringed, his warmth wrapping around me. I was going to burn this t-shirt when I got home. "I'm going to check her for a phone, you go ahead."

My eyes were about to pop they'd widened so much. Oh god, that was this assholes erection pushing against my back, wasn't it? Oh shit. I'm gonna puke, I'm gonna puke. I'm gonna-

"Right, I'll see you back at the hideout Paul!" Bill rushed out of the alley just as I vomited into Paul's hand, covering it in the runny, acidic fluid.

Paul panicked and threw my body to the ground, letting me fall into my own waste. I groaned, looking up at the man above me. He looked like a bum, only stupider. He was defiantly evil, but not the kind I wanted touching my body.

Paul glared down at me, grabbing my t-shirt with both hands, ripping it from hem to collar.

"You might have the body of a little boy, but I can put that behind me since you have a pussy." He ran a hand up my stomach to my small breast.

I struggled, bringing my hands up to push on his chest. That did nothing but piss him off even more. Fantastic.

He removed his hand from my mouth and smacked my face roughly. My head snapped to the side, a sob ripping from me. My glasses flew from my face, though they didn't shatter. For once I was glad the lenses were thick.

I'd bitten my tongue hard enough to draw blood, the copper taste mixing horribly with the bile still in my mouth. I looked up at Paul with wide eyes.

"You fuckin' make a noise and I'll make sure I find out where you live and kill your family, got that Blondie?" He spit on my stomach, pulling a knife out of his pocket. He then used it to slice my bra, cutting my skin. The cups fell to the side, leaving my torso bare.

Paul grabbed my breast roughly, squeezing them. I cried out in pain, tears streaming down my cheeks. This wasn't how I'd imagined my first time.

"Leave her alone!" Paul and I snapped our attention to the man standing at the entrance to the alleyway.

I couldn't see the tip of my nose my eyesight was so bad without my glasses. It didn't matter who the guy was, I was going to suck his dick if he saved my life. I owed him that.

"Why don't you fuckin' move on kid." It wasn't a request or a question, no it was an order. A rather nervous order.

Paul turned back to my body, running the knife down my stomach causing me to suck in. He was using enough force to draw up a line of blood.

"No, why don't you fucking get off of her."

Paul looked up, groaning. He then turned back to me, smacking my cheek. "I'll be right back Blondie, don't move." Paul then stood.

I silently stared up at the blurry sky above me, wishing I still head my headphones.

I felt a little disconnected with everything that was around me, like I wasn't lying on my back in my own puke, my shirt and bra laying around me exposing my upper body to the world, or rather the two men in the alley.

I began to look back on my inner monologue, suddenly finding it sickening I had actually referred to the would be rapist and his partner by their names in my mind. How sick was that? It's like I knew them on a personal level, like we were buddies.

"You ok?" I jumped, turning my head towards the voice. How long had I been zoning.

Something plastic was shoved into my hands, I realized after a moment it was my glasses. Slipping them on carefully, I looked up at my hero.

Red Mist.

I'll admit, he's a lot better looking in real life than on the news. He was currently kneeling down above me, one gloved fist on the ground, the other draped over his bent leg. His black and red hair looked ruffled and he had a split lip, blood staining his pale face.

The only thing I really focused on were his eyes. They were brown, a color that belonged to millions of Americans, but only made me think Chris D'Amico.

I began sobbing. Oh my god, this had actually just happened. I'd been mugged and nearly raped. Oh fuck.

"C-Calm down." Red Mist sounded so unsure. He was new to this hero game, I imagine, so I doubt he's ever stopped a girl from getting raped. I could forgive him.

Or not.

"Calm down?" I shrieked, eyes narrowed as I pulled myself up. One hand held my shirt shut. I nearly collapsed, but the leather clad hero caught me. The heat that radiated from him comforted me unlike the heat from my would be rapists. "You're seriously telling me to calm down! I WAS ALMOST RAPED YOU ASS!"

He flinched, realizing his mistake. "S-Sorry... but you weren't. I saved you." The grin he gave me was goofy yet panicked.

I sighed in defeat, letting my head fall against his chest. "Can you just... I dunno... take me home, or something." He must have agreed, because seconds later he was opening the door to his car.

Had I been in a state of actual focus, I'd have probably mentioned it was a sweet ride. Especially since the way the doors opened up was on a level of cool rivaled only by the DeLorean in Back to the Future.

I shivered involuntarily when he moved away, shutting the door. When he got into the drivers seat and started the car, a red light enveloped my body.

"Shouldn't I take you to the hospital?" He was looking at me, I could tell, but I wasn't going to look over. " I mean, you're bleeding and you're going to have bruises."

"Yeah I guess." I wiped away my tears. "I've never really had... this kinda thing happen so I don't really know the proper procedure in taking care of things."

"Ok, I'll take you the hospital, just close your eye and rest."

I listened, settling back in the leather seat (Red Mist had a fetish for it I guess) as I gazed into the back of my eyelids.

As I began dozing off, I spoke. "I owe you like a blow job or something like that for saving me."

And then I was out. When I awoke in the hospital later, Red Mist was gone

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**A/N: So that's the end of the first chapter. If you all wanna know what Denise looks like, I have a picture of her and her family under my profile. Don't forget to tell me what ya'll think.**


	2. C: Object of My Masturbatory Fantasies

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kick-Ass. I only own the Kelly family and the two thugs in this chapter.**

**A/N: Two chapters in one day? For real? Yup, what can I say, rewriting the same chapter from a different point of view isn't that hard. When I wrote from Denise's point of view I was already trying to figure out what Chris was thinking. **

**So, I'd love to hear what you all think. I almost feel like I've made Chris a little too focused on sex. In my defense, all the nerdy boys I've ever hung out with (which are dozens) all have sex and comics on their mind. That and Chris is stuck in a situation where he has no friends his age. **

**Chris' dirty thoughts make for an interesting chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it. Enjoy.**

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"Uggg, the fuckin' comic store again, kid."

I sent my bodyguard, King Pin, a nasty look. Actually, his name is Wilson, just like King Pin in the comics, and I don't really refer to him by any name out loud. King Pin's my own personal nickname for him that I use in my head.

Guy should feel special.

Deciding to just ignore the large man, I slipped from the car, straightening the lapel my blazer. Dressing nice happened to one of the first rules my father gave me.

He told me, when I was like eight or something, that dressing nice lets people know you've got money and that they should respect you. If I knew then what I know now, I'd have told him it'd make me the fucking laughing stock and I'd get beat to shit by punks.

Of course, the beat to shit part never happened. I mean, look at the guy behind me. He was small compared to the rest of the muscle my dad had under his control.

Being the son of Frank D'Amico meant no one could lay a finger on me. But that didn't stop kids from talking.

Thank god for home schooling.

King Pin opened the door, stepping into Atomic Comics before me as if I was going to get shot walking in first. Like that would happen. Scariest guy in here was breathing into his inhaler while reading some manga shit.

I stepped around the girth of my bodyguard, pausing briefly to smirk at the Red Mist costume and comic set placed at the entrance next to the Kick-Ass stuff. How cool is that! I'm famous! Well more famous, but who cares! There are kids dressing up as me right now.

Not that they'll ever look as fucking cool as I do, little shitheads.

As I flipped through the comics, I began taking stock of what I already had and what I didn't.

Batman and Robin #4 variant cover; Had it.

Red Robin #2; Had it.

Ultimate Fantastic Four #6; Didn't want.

Venom: Dark Origin #2; Had three copies of that.

Why the fuck didn't this store organize these things alphabetically. It's not fucking hard. Shit, I'd do it for free just so I could just find thi-

OOH! Spider-Man Noir #1! I have the trade paper back but not the individual comics. I'm defiantly getting this.

"You wanna fuck Chris D'Amico?" My head snapped up as some nasally voice said my name and fuck in the same sentence.

Who wanted to fuck me?

My eyes locked with a cute blond I'd seen before. In both real life and in dreams.

Denise Kelly.

The object of my masturbatory fantasies. Has been for the past two years, since Atomic Comics first opened and I first laid eyes on her.

She may not have huge tits, long legs, or a plump ass, but her lips.

Shit.

What I wouldn't give to have those sweet plump lips wrapped around my dick, sucking until I exploded in her mouth. Just the thought of her doing that with her big blue eyes looking up at me made me want to blow in my pants right now.

Before she looked away and let her hair cover her cute face, her cheeks turned red, lips opened in a shocked 'o' shape.

Fuck.

Shiittt.

Fuuuck

I needed to get home and change my boxers. I'm such a pussy, letting some little fantasy get me off that easily.

Dammit.

Can you blame me though? I mean, the moment I saw her cheeks flush and her mouth open like that, all I could think of was plowing into her in the back of the Mist Mobile on that sweet, sweet leather I had installed. I wanted to do dirty things to Denise Kelly.

Dirty but fucking delicious things.

Someone get me a mother fucking rope, I hormones are on the run.

I flushed a little, shifting from foot to foot as I gazed at Denise, silently debating the harm in going over to say hi. The thought was tossed around in my head until King Pin set his hand on my shoulder. He nodded towards the door then tapped his watch.

I sighed, paid for my comic book and then followed the big guy out. I glanced momentarily back at Denise, but she wasn't looking up from her comic. All I could see of her was her dirty blond hair.

"Why the hell did we leave?" I asked King Pin, pouting like a child in the back of the car. Neither Dad nor Mom were expecting me home till 8, and it was only 5 now.

Dammit, I'd wanted to find out if I might really get luck.

"You were about to jump that girl."

"Funny." I wasn't laughing. "I totally wasn't going to jump the girl. Jesus Christ, I've got morals." Ok, so I was lying. Who gives a shit if I wanted to fuck her brains out?

"Right, and I'm the alligator king of the New York sewers."

Could have fooled me. I gazed out the window, listening to the car start up. Maybe I should call him Killer Croc instead.

WAIT!

"Stop the car!" The driver glanced back at me, obviously annoyed. I didn't even acknowledge the fact we'd yet to begin moving.

"Follow that girl!" I pointed to the blond walking out of the shop and in the same direction the car was facing.

"Look kid, that's stalking!" Exclaimed Killer Croc. That's the thug formerly named King Pin, keep up with me here. "We can't do that. I'm on parole as it is."

I shot the big guy an exasperated expression. "Pussy." Holy Fuck. Did I actually just call this hunk of muscle next to me a pussy. I was losing my mind to the slick attitude I used as Red Mist.

I wonder if Bruce Wayne feels like this after going out as Batman every night. Not that I'm out for vengeance... not really anyway. It's more for fun right now while I wait for Kick-Ass to respond about those other heroes.

Killer Croc glared at me, his eyes getting even smaller on his large face than they had been originally. That was something I'd suspected to be impossible.

I gulped. Maybe Chris D'Amico's not as brave as Red Mist. But -I straightened myself a bit- I'm a D'Amico. I wasn't going to sit back and take it in the ass. No sir.

"Just follow her."

The driver sighed, easing the car out of the parallel parking spot before slowly following the girl.

We weren't obvious.

That's sarcasm by the way.

I felt like we were following her in a white, windowless, kidnap van instead of a black luxury town car.

We followed her for what had to have been hours, but ended up only being 21 minutes. (Killer Croc kept time for some freaky reason.) Whatever, it'd felt like for fucking ever . Finally, at 5:55, she stepped into a coffee shop and headed to the back. I leaned against the window, waiting.

"Can we go now?" asked Killer Croc, looking up from the game of Solitaire he had going on his iPhone. He needed to get some better games, that was for fucking sure. Like Angry Birds or something along those lines.

"Give me a god damn minute. Jesus. I wanna see what she's doing here."

We waited for five minutes.

Five.

Excruciatingly.

Long.

Minutes.

My fingers tapped on the window to the rhythm of that Madonna song about the end of the world or some shit. My eyes were glued to the tinted glass, gazing into the coffee shop. Come on.

Come on.

My jaw was unhinged the moment she'd walked out. The slightly over sized uniform indicated she worked here, but that's not what I was paying attention to.

No, her hair was up, giving me the perfect view of her long neck. I wanted to close my mouth around that pale skin and stain it purple with bruises.

Fucking mark her as mine.

"O-O-Ok, let's go." I was stuttering. Fan-fucking-tastic. Just what I needed, a hard dick and a stutter.

Fucking perfect.

When we pulled away, my eyes were still glued to her body, wishing I could pull it close to me.

* * *

Four hours, a quarter of a tissue box, one failed attempt to get my father to let me help with the family business, and an excruciatingly long dinner interrupted by Uncle Joe, my Dad's little brother, and FINALLY I was able to go out and fight crime. Or rather, drive around in the Mist Mobile and look cool.

You decide.

Of course, I wasn't cruising anymore. In fact, I wasn't in my car. No, I was currently following Denise Kelly. Why? Because she was taking over my fucking mind. I was a man possessed.

I'd decided that's what I'd tell anyone who questioned my motives for stalking.

I was really doing it because I wanted to learn about her so I could ask her out. The only info I'd gotten, however, was that she liked Green Lantern. She was, after all, wearing a Honor Guard ring on her right hand, and a yellow Sinestro Corps t-shirt that was currently covered by her symbiote Spider-Man hoodie.

Girl after my own heart.

She'd have been perfect if she had bought the Red Mist hoodie they had at the comic shop.

Denise was oblivious to me being across the road. I imagine her peripheral vision must suck along with the rest of her eyesight.

Would I prefer her fucking me with glasses or with contacts? I'd never seen her without glass , so that made my decision tough...

"Oh shit," I cursed under my breath, jaw dropping. Some sick fuck had just dragged Denise into the alley.

Shit.

I rushed across the street, not even bothering with looking both ways. I was careful to dodge a sleeping hobo (At least I think he was sleeping. I wasn't going to be touching his shit covered neck to check for his pulse. No thank you.) before I came to the entrance of the alley. I peaked around the corner.

I couldn't really hear them over the blood pounding hard in my ears, but I could see them.

What the fuck was I going to do? I'd never actually taken down a criminal. The most I'd done was get a few of Dad's guys put away after having them beaten by Killer Croc and the boys. Those were set ups, not a real robbery

Fuck.

I watched as Denise took off her jacket, then her headphones and finally her worn ring. She hesitated momentarily before setting the ring with the rest of the stuff in the arms of the thug not holding her. He then nodded and took off, running down the alley in the opposite direction.

Now that they had the stuff, I began hoping they'd leave her be and fuck off.

But that guy was still holding her.

A shudder ran through my body as Denise vomited.

God Dammit!

The guy threw her to the ground.

I needed to do something.

I needed to stop anything from hap-

I was seeing red when the ass wipe ripped open her shirt. I hadn't even spoken to the girl, like ever, but here I was, plotting the death of the guy who was on top of her.

My feet moved at their own accord, not that I was going to stop them.

"Leave her alone." I placed my fist on my hip bones, jutting my chin up. I was attempting to channel my inner Superman.

Both the rapist and Denise looked in my direction, though the rapist seemed to be the only one who saw me. Denise's glasses were laying close to the end of my side of the alleyway.

A sick little voice in the back of my head began making crude comments about how sexy she looked without the glasses and how the size of her tits made it possible to cup her breasts.

They really were nice for their small size weren't they.

"Why don't you fuckin' move on kid." I snapped back to attention, glaring. I nearly left, but realized I couldn't.

Respect women. That's my Dad's second rule. When he was giving me the talk (He nearly had Uncle Joe give it to me. Can you believe that?) he told me women are delicate and need to be taken care of. That's one of the reasons I had a purple foil packaged Her Pleasure condom in my wallet. It's also the reason why I'm going to stop this guy.

I swallowed deeply, reminding myself I was Red Mist. I'd been learning a little bit of karate from my dad once a week, every week since I was 7. It was one of the only things we bonded over.

I stepped forward.

"No, why don't you fucking get off of her." I hoped I sounded intimidating. I mean, it's hard for a guy with a slight lisp to sound intimidating. Really hard.

The man turned back to Denise, smacking her cheek. I couldn't make out what he'd said, but I was angry.

He'd touched her again.

He wasn't going to do that anymore.

He dove at me with his knife and I dodged as best I could, putting a foot out to trip him. The man fell and I began kicking at him in the side.

Unfortunately, he rolled and got up, head impacting my chin causing me to bite my lip, hard.

Fuck that hurt.

I kicked him in the chest roughly, successfully winding him before dropping down, my fist connecting with his noes continuously in sync with a nameless tune. After a moment or so, I felt his noes crack, blood spilling out onto my black leather gloves.

I pulled back and stood, gazing at the swollen face of the man. My foot slammed into his head twice for good measure.

Asshole deserved every hit he got. Fucking tool.

I was lucky, I mused as I leaned down to collect Denise's glasses. The guy was obviously on some kind of drug, his pupils had been the size of my mask holes, so that made it easier for me to take him down.

"You ok?" I kneeled down beside her prone form, my eyes savoring the sight of her breast, managing to ignore the blood on her stomach and between her tiny tits.

I'm a sick fuck.

I fixed my wig before I handed her back her glasses, watching as her eyes doubled in size when they slipped on. Her gaze locked with mine.

Well, that answered my earlier question.

I hope she had contacts.

What do you expect, I'm a seventeen year old virgin, the only thing I have on my mind is sex. I'll focus on building a relationship later.

Oh shit! She's crying. What do I do? What do I do?

"C-Calm down." I winced.

Calm down? Really? That's all I could up with?

Calm down?

I'm going to be eating those words in a second.

Her glare caused me to gulp. It's defiantly up there in my top ten scariest looks recieved. Turned me on a little but that was over shadowed by the feeling of fear in my stomach.

She was going to eat me alive.

"Calm down!" Her voice was shrill causing my ears to sting.

Yup. Poor choice of words on my part.

Denise rose, legs shaking. Her hand gripped tight to her shirt, blocking her breast from my view again. Her knees buckled.

I was on my feet in seconds at speeds that would make The Flash jealous, catching her in my arms.

This felt good. In a non-sexual way.

Strange.

"You're seriously telling me to calm down!" She continued.

Not a question. That was a statement. An angry statement. I gulped again, tightening my grip.

"I ALMOST GOT RAPED YOU ASS!"

I winced again, closing my brown eyes. I was an insensitive prick.

Time for damage control. Thank god I'd seen Dad do this a bunch with Mom. Not in the same predicament, of course, but it's probably a similar technique.

"S-Sorry... but you weren't. I saved you." I gave her the most most innocent grin I could muster up, the goofy 'Oops' grin I'd given Mom earlier that day when she caught me eavesdropping at the door to Dad's study.

Denise's head fell to my chest in defeat.

Looks like I'd averted that disaster.

"Can you just... I dunno... take me home, or something." Her voice was meek, lacking the anger she'd displayed not a minute ago. I deflated a bit, but nodded.

Careful as I could with her tiny frame, I shuffled Denise towards the Mist Mobile down the road, making sure my cape covered her from the cold air.

Capes are a fucking excellent accessory. I recommend every hero equip themselves with one.

I lead her to the passenger seat and buckled her up. I then went around to my seat, and started up the car.

Surprisingly the sick perverted voice in my head was silent. That's miraculous.

Now my intelligence can run things.

"Shouldn't I take you to the hospital? I mean, you're bleeding and you're going to have bruises."

I looked over her, eyes dancing on her bare stomach and the thin, straight cut that bleed there. Her left cheek was also swelling up quite a bit, bloodied nail marks from his uncut finger nails marred the area.

I should have killed that asshole.

"Yeah I guess. I've never really had... this kinda thing happen so I don't really know the proper procedures to take care of things." Her voice was shaky again.

Fuck, more tears.

"Ok. I'll take you to the hospital," I kept my voice soft as I could, hoping it sounded soothing.

Damn that lisp.

She nodded and curled up in the seat, closing her eyes.

I smiled, taking in her innocent features, ignoring the bruise and nail marks on her face.

Going out to the movies would be nice. I mean, a relationship isn't solely based around fucking, right? I could even get her flowers... maybe a new ring. A green lantern ring, of course, to replace the one she'd had stolen.

I haven't even turned 18 yet. Jesus Christ.

I grinned at the thought of us holding hands and all that cheesy stuff, the Mist Mobile speed down the road towards the closest hospital, six blocks away.

When she spoke again, I blew another load in my pants.

"I owe you like a blow job or something like that for saving me."

Good bye intelligence, hello perverted voice

I didn't breathe.

The Mist Mobile sat at the intersection long after the light turned green.

Holy shit.

Holy shit!

Did she just say she owed me a blow job!

She did didn't she?

That's why my boxers were wet again.

Shaking my head, I let out a puff of hot air.

I fucking loved being Red Mist!

With a grin plastered permanently to my face, I deposited Denise Kelly at the hospital and proceeded home, contemplating how I'd ask her out.

I also need to talk to Dad about Killer Croc. That man needs to back down a bit if I want to get the girl.

By the time I'd laid down in bed and finished jerking off, I had everything decided, right down to our couple name.

Dris and Chrise sounded lame.

We'd be DC. Just like the comics.

Perfect.

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**A/N: So, like it or hate it? Any comments? I'd love to hear it all.**


	3. D: I'm in Heaven Chris D'Amico Heaven

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kick-Ass. I only own the Kelly family.**

**AN: Sorry it took so long! I'm back home and college is starting up so things may go a bit slower. Sadly enough. I love writing this story. It's so much fun  
**

** Anyway, enjoy chapter 3!

* * *

**

"So Denise, what made you finally leave your house?" asked Katie, leaning across the table. She had that 'You're broken, let me fix you' look in her eye.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

"Johnny Blaze." I grinned at her blank look. "I guess Davey-boy here hasn't introduced you to Ghost Rider yet, huh?"

"No... I'm reading Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane right now."

That earned her an eye roll from me.

Congrats.

"Well, there's a movie of it, starring that one actor with the hair." I waved a hand over my head in order to illustrate the point. "Well he had this run in with the devil and he sold his soul in order to cure his father of life threatening cancer. The devil kills his dad anyway while he's doing a motorcycle stunt." I paused, letting her dissect what I'd just said before continuing.

"Anyway, year later Johnny's this professional motorcycle stunt man and before he does anything he repeats 'You can't live in fear'."

"And how did this revelation come to you?" asked Katie, sipping her frappuccino.

"Fuck, Katie, can't I finish before you interrupt?" I shook my head. "Josh put it on the other day. He knew it'd help. The bastard should go into psychology."

I grinned, fingering my comics. "And 'sides. I'm two weeks behind on new comic books. It was killing me."

Katie rolled her eyes at me this time.

Fuck her.

"So, is it true you were rescued by Red Mist?"

I paled.

I'm going to kill Red Mist.

The man's taken over my dreams. He and Chris D'Amico must have made a pact to alternate nights so they can both dream-fuck me.

That's fucked up.

Even more fucked up is the fact some times the three of us have sex together. I nearly laughed the first time I woke up from one of those because the likely hood of a three-way between Chris, Me, and Red Mist was zero.

Chris looks like such a sweetheart; I doubt thoughts like this ever cross his mind.

"Yeah, he took me to the hospital after beating the guy." I spun my straw in my cup, trying to distract myself away from the dreams. "So, what have I missed?"

Katie grinned. "Well... Chris D'Amico kept asking about you."

I choked on my coffee. Someone call the hospital and tell them to keep a room empty for me. I'm having a fucking heart attack.

"WHAT!" I looked around as silence settled in. I was standing and everyone was staring.

Fuck me.

I retook my seat and straightened my jeans before leaning forward to get closer to Katie. "You bitch. Why didn't you tell me before?"

Katie grinned, shrugging. "I dunno. Kinda slipped my mind."

If I were a fucking animal, I'd be growling at her.

"Katie, you are a whor-"

"H-H-Hi Denise."

I jumped. Fuck.

Looking over, I locked my blue eyes into a sea of endless brown... It's like looking into Hershey's chocolate syrup sitting in the base of a cup, waiting for milk to be poured into it.

Just in case my gushing didn't tip you off; I'm looking into the eyes of Chris D'Amico.

I think I need to change my panties.

I gulped, cheeks becoming inflamed in embarrassment. "H-H-Hi."

Shit!

My voice squeaked.

He probably thinks I'm the biggest pussy in the world. Great.

Instead, to my surprise, he chuckled. His cheeks stained pink and he looked away momentarily.

"H-H-How are you feeling after... you know..." He trailed off.

OH!

After I was almost raped. That's why he was talking to me.

Fucking great.

He's a male version of Katie.

"F-F-Fine. I f-f-feel fine"

When the hell did I develop a stutter?

Chris nodded. "T-That's good." He straightened his back, and then cleared his throat.

"Ummm... do you wanna go to the movies or something this weekend? Fantastic Four 4 is going to out on Friday and I... I was hoping you'd come with me."

That hospital room better have a crash team waiting in it. I've died and gone to heaven.

Chris just asked me out.

Chris just asked me out.

Chris just asked me out.

Chris D'Amico just asked me out.

Christ Fucking D'Amico just as-

"Denise... are you with the living?"

I shook my head, looking at Katie then back to Chris.

"Y-Y-You don't h-h-have to," stuttered Chris.

I blinked.

FUCK!

How long have I been stuck in my mental party of Chris D'Amico asking me out?

I looked at my watch.

OH GOD! I'VE BEEN UNRESPONSIVE FOR A MINUTE!

DAMAGE CONTROL!

"I'D LOVE TO GO OUT WITH YOU!"

WHY AM I SCREAMING!

My cheeks became even hotter when I noticed everyone in the store staring at us.

Fucking let me disappear.

I sunk lower into my seat, turning my attention back to Chris.

"I-I-I mean, yes... I...I'd love to go out with you."

His cheeks reddened a bit but he smiled happily. "Really?"

I nodded.

Had my fucking out burst not been enough to prove that?

Shit, I'll write a song and sing it on top of the statue of liberty.

I.

Want.

To.

Go.

Out.

With.

You!

"G-Good! I'll call you, is that ok?"

He shifted from foot to foot, looking hopefully at me.

I nodded then grabbed a pen off the table.

Time to grow some balls.

I snatched his right hand from his side, shuddering as I made skin on skin contact with him for the first time ever. They were rougher than I thought they would be.

I love a man with rough hands, made everything feel better.

I think. I'm a virgin but I've read and watched enough to know rough hands feel really good on a woman's breast and in her pussy.

Oh god I want his hands on me.

WOAH!

Brain freeze.

Time to get back to what I was doing.

I placed the tip of the pen against his palm, blushing when I felt his hand shudder.

I just made Chris D'Amico shudder.

Oh fuck.

I just came.

I shifted, and then quickly scrawled my number on his palm, clicking the pen shut.

"That's my number. Call me with the plans, ok?"

Holy shit.

My voice sounded so husky. He probably knows I'm turned on. Great.

Great.

"S-S-Sure." He stuttered.

That was so cute. Especially with his little lisp.

I want to hug him.

"Ummm... ok... I'll call you... Bye Denise."

No! Don't go! Stay here!

Sit next me!

He was gone, back in his town car outside.

I wish he'd come back.

* * *

"Denise! Stop pacing honey," my mother said, smiling at me as she cut potatoes for our dinner.

I fucking hate potatoes.

And as comforting as people find a British accent, I didn't want to hear it right now. I wanted to hear a lisped Brooklyn accent.

It's Thursday night! Why hasn't he fucking called yet?

"Ma! He hasn't called." I collapsed back onto the couch, a hand covering my eyes, the phone sitting on the coffee table.

Our apartment is small, only two bedrooms, one bathroom, and a connected kitchen/living room/dining room. Josh and Ma share a room and Dom gets his own room. He and I used to share, but now that I'm 17 and a woman my parents moved me to the living room.

Yay.

That was sarcasm.

It's nicer then dreaming about Chris D'Amico fucking my brains out and having Dominic cuddled against me in the same bed. The one time that happened it was AWKWARD. Luckily only I know.

Instead, I sleep on the couch, which pulls out into a bed. Best part is I have a TV in here. If I turn it down low enough, I can put in one of the DVDs I owned and watch that while going to sleep.

"I'm sure he'll call soon kiddo." Josh sat down, lifting my legs before setting them in his lap. "If not, I can kick his ass."

My eyes rolled.

Oh Josh, you couldn't kick a small rock an inch let alone Chris D'Amico's ass.

"Josh, Dominic is right there in the other room," hissed my mother, pointing at him with her knife.

Ma says we can't curse when Dominic's home. Stupid 12 year old.

Josh held his arms up in defense.

They're cute together, I'll admit it. Ma's only 34. Young, I know, but she had me when she was 17. Her parents got mad and kicked her out and my real father wanted her to terminate me, but my mother is a fucking saint. She stayed with my great-grandma, a bat-shit crazy English woman who was also a fucking saint.

I guess I didn't inherit anything from them.

Anyway, I was born there and my great-grandma died soon after, leaving the little bit of money she had to my Ma, who, in turn, moved to America. She met Josh on the plane. Don't let his blond hair fool you, Josh is really a brunette. But he feels it makes him more artsy.

So, he ended up offering a room in his apartment in Boston, saying she could pay for it and go to college while he took care of me. One thing led to another and they married and had my little bro Dominic, who is also really a brunette. I dunno why he dyes his hair, honestly.

"You called Mom?"

Speaking of my little brother, here comes the twerp.

"No one called for you, stupid. Go back to your room and sleep!" It's not that I hate Dom; I just like fighting with him better. It's fun.

Dom stuck his tongue out at me and I replied with the same.

"Dominic! Denise! Please," snapped Ma, setting the knife down, potatoes all diced for the stew she was making.

"Sorry Ma."

We continued to glare at one another until the phone rang.

I screeched in happiness, reaching for the phone.

Finally!

Dominic snatched it up. "Hi, are you Chris?"

"DOMINIC! GIVE ME THE PHONE!"

I'm going to fucking kill that kid.

I jumped from the couch, diving for the blond who jumped away in time, dodging around to the other side.

"You are? You know, she says your name in her sleep all the time!"

"MA!" I turned to my mother who was chuckling. What a bitch. I turned to my final hope. "JOSH! PLEASE!"

"Chris." Dominic began mocking the way I moaned in my sleep.

Oh god!

My cheeks turned red in embarrassment and anger.

"DOMINIC GRAYSON KELLY I'M GOING TO SMASH YOU GODDAMN HEAD IN AND WATCH YOU BLEED OUT!"

"DENISE!"

Josh snatched the phone, holding it out to me. "Dom, you and I need to have a talk."

Dominic's eyes widened and he ran to his room, slamming the door.

I took the phone from Josh and began taking calming breaths as I walked out of the apartment. "I'll be taking this call outside."

I shut the door and entered the silence that enveloped my hallway. I could barely make out the cute lisp on the other end of the phone, asking if anyone was there.

I placed the phone to my ear.

"Hey Chris, sorry about my little asshole of a brother."

He chuckled. "That's fine. I was just worried I'd called the wrong number or something. Very creative threat, by the way."

I'm in heaven. Chris D'Amico heaven.

"Thank you, I can be pretty creative when I wanna be."

I sat down on the stoop outside the apartment building. It was dark outside and not exactly safe, but I felt fine in front of my apartment. Especially with Old Lady Humphrey keeping a watchful eye on me. I.E. She's making sure I'm not ordering a drive by on her house.

What a paranoid old cunt.

I melted a little when Chris laughed again. The sound was so nasally and cute.

"I'm sure you're creative all the time, Deni." He paused. "I-It's ok if I call you Deni right?"

Chris, you can call me whatever you fucking want to.

"Of course you can Chris. I mean, your name is Christopher and I call you Chris right?"

"Right."

I bet he's smiling. He just sounds happy. Really happy.

I'm a fucking puddle still. Watch as I spill down the steps in joy.

Now... why is he showing interest in me now?

"Chris... can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

Awww, he sounds nervous.

"Ummmm... Why the fuck are you talking to me all of a sudden?" I paused. "Not to be rude or nothing."

Silence. Great. Just what I need. Might as well keep running my mouth.

"I mean, it's not because of what happened with two weeks ago, huh?"

"OH! Shit! No! No!"

He groaned and I felt my hair rise on end.

What a sexy sound.

OH! He started talking again.

"I was actually planning on asking you out before but it's taken me awhile to work up the courage. I mean, you're really sexy... no I mean beautiful... Not to say you aren't sexy! You are but... fuck."

I zoned out at sexy. He thinks I'm sexy.

"I think your sexy too Chris."

...FUCK!

I can't believe I said that out loud.

Why can't I ever fucking stop my mouth from running?

"T...Thank you." Chris' voice squeaked

I smiled, though my face was on fire.

"S-S-So, about that movie?" I asked, twirling so blond hair around my finger.

He paused, I heard nothing but... DID HE JUST GROAN AGAIN!

I really need to change my panties.

"Chris?"

"SORRY!" I had to pull the phone away from my ear.

Fuck that was loud.

"S-S-Sorry," Chris said, his voice back to a normal again just a bit... breathy I guess would be the word. "Ummm... They have a showing of Fantastic Four 4 tomorrow night at 8:30... Would you like to go to that?"

I leaned back on the steps; my mouth running before I could stop it. "Why me? I mean, you don't even know me."

If only I could kick my own ass. Now he won't want to do any-

"Well, I was actually thinking I could pick you up and bring you over here for dinner and then we could go to the movies. That way we can get to know one another... if you want to."

"YES!" I cleared my throat. "I mean, of course, I love that idea. Let's do that."

I grinned when he let out a sigh of relief.

"Good, I'm glad..."

"Why don't we meet up at Atomic Comics at like... 5 or something and we can head back to your house from there," I offered.

I want him to get to know me first before he sees where I live.

"Sure! That works. I need to pick up some comics anyway."

"DENISE!" I turned and looked up at the window to my family's tiny apartment. My mother was leaning out, looking down to me. "IT'S TIME FOR DINNER!"

"OK MA!" I waved her off, placing the phone back to my ear. "I've gotta go Chris."

"Ok... umm... I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course. I'll see you then Chris. Bye."

"Bye Deni."

The phone clicked off and I jumped up, beginning to dance ridiculously bad on the stoop.

"I'VE GOT A DATE WITH CHRIS D'AMICO!"

"SHUT UP!"

I flicked off the crack head from across the street and walked back into the building.

What would I wear?

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**AN: I hope you guys liked it. Can't wait to hear what you all think.**


	4. Author's Note: IMPORTANT INFO INSIDE!

Hey Guys! Before I say anything else I want to thank every single one of you who have reviewed and alerted this fic! Some of ya'lls reviews have made my like year. You all give me too much credit. Really. I mean this fic isn't that good. I'm just writing in the same style I think in, dirty, choppy, and nerdy. So, point of this paragraph is, YOU ALL ROCK!

I know, everyone was probably all excited cause it seemed like I had a new chapter out and all that shit. I'm sorry to disappoint. You can all like... shoot killer glares at the computer screens or somethin' like that and I'm sure eventually they'll reach me. But keep in mind, if that happens ya'll never get a new chapter.

I believe I win!

Sorry. Anyway, I want everyone to know that I'm working on the next chapter right now, as we speak, though we're not really speaking and it's like 3:37 AM Central time as I'm typing this right now so I'm actually going to bed soon but whatever! I'm workin' on it!

Things have been hectic here. This paragraph is actually going to consist of my excuses and shit so if you don't wanna read and don't care (I DON'T BLAME YOU! MY EXCUSES ARE SHITTY!) then go ahead and skip this paragraph... next paragraph too. I'm sure what ever I type after this'll be worth reading. So here's what's going on in my life. I broke up with my boyfriend at the end of August. My Sophomore year of College started at the end of August. I was forced to get a job in September so there were many a day filled with me job hunting. (That shit SUCKS). I got a job (Workin' at TJ Maxx) which is taking up a good deal of time. One of my friends has been RPing with me, and that's an addiction within itself. And my obsession A.D.D has been acting up.

That's right, you've finally learned what to call that problem you suffer from. You fucking know the one I'm talking about. If not, you're about to learn. Ok, I was obsessed with Inception, then G.I. Joe, then Green Lantern (This is actually a perma-obsession), then Kick-Ass, then Batman (Another perma-obsession), then Superman, then Dexter, then Kick-Ass, then Supernatural (Which I'm still obsessing over. I love Dean Winchester. He's SO ATTRACTIVE !), and now I'm obsessing over Disney.. kinda... not really in all honesty but still!

In the middle of all of this, I've been getting all these fantastic reviews. And I've been trying to make time to re-watch Kick-Ass multiple times so I can get back in the mood. But I haven't been able to watch it yet! And it's making me mad! Like FOR REAL! I really really really want to fuck Chris D'Amico with my eyes soon.

Probably TMI... but you all agree.

Anyway! To reward you all for the wait, after this next chapter from Chris' point of view I'm giving you guys a present. I'm just going to hint that a certain debt's going to be repaid.

I'm sure you can all figure that one out. You're all so smart!

SO! Until those chapters get finished, I'm going to direct you all to my profile! Located there, at the bottom of the page, is a link to my Tumblr. Here's the deal. If you start to follow me on there and send me a message letting me know that you read my story, I'll start giving you guys updates on where I am in the current chapter and how much more I have left. You guys cam also ask me questions about what I have planned for Denise and Chris, what I'm planning to do for their first time, or even questions about me. Talking about me is one of my favorite things. OH! And you can also tell me about things you want to happen with Denise and Chris. And you can give me your opinions of things happening and what you never want to see again in the story (LIKE ANOTHER DAMN AUTHORS NOTE! I'M SURE THAT'S ONE!)

I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY sorry it's taking so long for the next chapter to come out and thank you guys so much for reading all of this. Or skimming or whatever. I personally hate when things like this pop up in the middle of a good fic, but what I hate more is when the story never updates again and I wanted to make sure you guys know that I am going to update this and I am going to keep updating until I'm ready to put a little complete stamp on this.

Anyway, enough of taking up your time. I'm going to go to bed and when I wake up and get a while, I'm going to work more on chapter 4! And when I post chapter 4 up, I'm going to delete this Author's Note.

LOVE YOU GUYS!

-Mallory (Yup, I'm giving you my name. I find too much to write and I want you guys to feel like you know me... Ok so... YEAH!)

Don't forget to follow me on Tumblr! I swear you won't be disappointed.


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